Jun 20, 2014

The Voices in My Head


This morning I was going through the blogs that I follow and came across this really good post "15 Toxic Thoughts You Need to Drop for a Better Life" by Marc Chernoff.  This post really speaks to me because I have been trying to be more conscious of the things I am saying to myself.  It seems like it is so much easier to tell ourselves "we aren't good enough" than to compliment ourselves for a job well done.  Do you follow me?

Growing up my mother and I had a very contentious relationship (still do).  She is very passive aggressive and, unfortunately for me, I was her target.  I tolerated her behavior for so long because of my love for my dad.  Her behavior was not going to keep me from visiting my dad while he was alive.  She took every opportunity (we no longer see each other) she had to belittle me about so many things in my life, mostly about my weight and the fact that I never got a college degree.  (It's not like she has one, right!)  I was never the perfect daughter she wanted.   I am not sure if the behavior stemmed from me being so close to my dad.  I was a daddy's girl.  She resented our relationship.  My brother, on the other hand, could do no wrong.  (Love ya Mr. K!)

Thank God for my husband and sister-in-law who always ran interference for me and stood up for me when she would attack me.  I will never forget the time (many years ago) we were all gathered together at my brother and sister-in-law's home to celebrate Christmas.  We were gathering the gifts together and waiting to begin opening them.  My mother asked my husband "how did you sleep last night?"  He responded "not too well, your cuckoo clocks kept going off (jokingly)."  Her response was "you mean Miss know it all, can do it all couldn't figure out how to turn them off?"  His response was "why would she, she never heard it."  I will never forget that morning.  Wow!!!  Here I was minding my own business and enjoying being with my family and she acts like that.  I totally ignored her.  As Dr. Phil always says "don't give them the payoff they are looking for by responding to their outrageous behavior."  

You are probably wondering why I am talking about this today.  My husband received a Father Day's card from my mother.  It is a beautiful card and the verse fits him to a "T".  It's all true.  When I mentioned she sent the card to Mr. K to one of my best friends, Nelly from Nelly and her Nerd, she smiled and said "she is being passive aggressive.  Aggressive in wanting my attention.  Passive by sending the card to my hubby, hoping she will get my attention and get a call."  It worked.  She got in my head "again".  But this time I know how to handle it...I move on...taking note of the voices in my head.  Making extra effort to be kind to myself.   

I am happy to say that I am in a very good place.  I am blessed with a very loving husband, two beautiful (inside and out) daughters, two wonderful son-in-laws, three precious grandchildren, a loving family and amazing friends.  Life is good!!!

Be good to yourself.  You deserve it!!!

Debbie





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